Have you ever felt stuck? Like you know what you need to do to change your life, you’ve read the books, you’ve listened to the podcasts, you’re doing all the “right” things… but you just can’t seem to follow through?
Maybe you know you need to set boundaries with someone, but every time the moment comes, you just… don’t. Or you’ve got this project you’re excited about, but you keep procrastinating. Or you want to put yourself out there and meet new people, but when the opportunity comes up, you find yourself making excuses.
You beat yourself up about it. “Why am I such a coward?” “Why can’t I just do it?” “What’s wrong with me?”
Well, here’s the thing. There’s actually nothing wrong with you. What you’re experiencing has a name: Protections. And once you understand what they are and why you’re using them, everything starts to make sense.
What Are Protections?
Protections are psychological strategies we use to avoid the discomfort that comes with taking risks or facing challenges. They’re basically safety mechanisms that kick in when we feel threatened – and I don’t mean physically threatened. I mean emotionally threatened.
See, whenever you’re about to do something that could lead to failure, rejection, or looking foolish, a part of you says, “Whoa, hold up. That could hurt. Let me protect you from that.”
And that’s where protections come in.
Common Protections You Might Recognize
Procrastination – This is a big one. You’ve got a project that matters to you, but instead of working on it, you suddenly need to reorganize your closet, scroll through social media, or take a random nap. Why? Because if you actually try and it doesn’t work out, that would hurt. But if you procrastinate and half-ass it? Well, you can tell yourself, “I didn’t really try, so it doesn’t count.”
Making Excuses – “I would go talk to that person, but I’m too tired right now.” “I’d apply for that job, but my resume isn’t perfect yet.” These excuses give you permission to stay in your comfort zone. They protect you from the possibility of hearing “no.”
Creating Conflict or Drama – Ever notice how some people seem to create chaos right before something important? They pick a fight with their partner the night before a big presentation, or they get into some unnecessary drama when they’re about to make a positive change. This is a protection too. The drama becomes a convenient reason not to move forward.
Getting Sick or Anxious – Sometimes your body literally protects you. You get a headache, your stomach hurts, or you have a panic attack right before you need to do something scary. Your nervous system is saying, “Nope, we’re not doing this.”
Perfectionism – “I can’t start until everything is perfect.” This one looks productive on the surface, but it’s really just another way to avoid the risk of being judged. If you never finish or never start, you never have to face criticism.
Here’s what’s important to understand: Protections are not conscious decisions. You’re not sitting there thinking, “You know what? I’m going to sabotage myself today.” This is happening automatically, below your awareness. Your protective patterns kick in before you even realize it.
How We Learn Protections as Tools in Childhood
Now, here’s where it gets interesting. These protections didn’t just appear out of nowhere. You learned them. And you learned them because, at one point in your life, they actually worked.
Think about when you were a kid. You were small, vulnerable, and dependent on the adults around you. You didn’t have power or control. So you had to get creative to protect yourself emotionally.
Example
Imagine you’re a kid, and you worked really hard on a drawing to show your parent. You’re excited, you’re proud. But when you show it to them, they barely look up. “That’s nice, honey,” they say dismissively, before going back to their phone. That hurts, right? So what does your little kid brain learn? “Oh, if I don’t try too hard, it won’t hurt as much when they don’t care.”
Boom. Procrastination and half-assing things becomes a protection.
Or maybe you were the kid who asked for help with homework, and your parent snapped at you. “Figure it out yourself! I’m busy!” So you learned not to ask for help. You learned to isolate and do everything on your own, even when you’re struggling. That becomes your protection. If you don’t ask, you won’t be a burden, and you won’t get rejected.
Or let’s say you had a parent who was really critical. Nothing you did was good enough. The B+ should have been an A. The A should have been an A+. You learned that to avoid criticism, you had to be perfect. And if you couldn’t be perfect? Well, then you just wouldn’t try. Perfectionism or avoidance are both protections.
Maybe you grew up in a chaotic household. Yelling, fighting, unpredictability. You learned that if you created smaller problems or distractions, you could control the narrative a little bit. You’d act out, get in trouble, and suddenly everyone’s focused on you instead of the bigger scary stuff. That’s where creating drama as a protection comes from.
Here’s the crucial part: As a kid, these strategies worked. They helped you cope. They helped you survive emotionally in an environment where you didn’t have a lot of options. Your protections were tools that got you through childhood.
And what makes this even more powerful is that most of the time the adults in your life weren’t trying to hurt you. They were doing their best. They were dealing with their own stuff. But as a kid, you didn’t know that. You just knew that something felt bad, and you needed a way to make it stop.
So you developed these protections. And they became part of your operating system. They became so automatic that you don’t even think about them anymore. They’re just… there.
Why Protections Don’t Work as Adults
So if these protections worked so well as a kid, why are they a problem now?
Because the situation has changed. You’re not a kid anymore.
As an adult, you have power, options, and resources that you didn’t have back then. But your protections don’t know that. They’re still operating from that old childhood playbook. They’re trying to keep you safe from dangers that may not even exist anymore.
How Childhood Protections Sabotage Your Adult Life
Procrastination – As a kid, procrastinating might have protected you from harsh criticism. But now? Now you’re procrastinating on things that could genuinely improve your life. You’re avoiding starting your business, going to therapy, asking someone out, or pursuing your creative projects. The protection that once saved you from a mean comment is now preventing you from building the life you actually want.
Not Asking for Help – As a kid, asking for help got you snapped at or dismissed, so you learned to tough it out alone. But now? Now you’re struggling in your job, your relationship, or your mental health, and you won’t reach out because that old protection says, “Don’t be a burden.” Except the truth is, asking for help as an adult is a sign of strength, not weakness. People actually want to support you. But your protection won’t let you find out.
Perfectionism – As a kid, perfectionism might have gotten you praise or helped you avoid criticism. But as an adult, perfectionism is paralyzing you. You’re not applying for jobs because your resume isn’t “perfect enough.” You’re not sharing your art because it’s not “good enough yet.” You’re not starting that podcast, writing that book, or launching that idea because it needs to be flawless first. But here’s the truth – nothing is ever perfect. And waiting for perfection is just a protection keeping you stuck.
Creating Drama – As a kid, creating conflict or chaos might have given you a sense of control in an unpredictable environment. But now, you’re sabotaging your own relationships and opportunities. You pick fights before important events. You create problems that don’t need to exist. And then you wonder why your life feels so unstable.
Getting Sick or Anxious – Your body learned to protect you by shutting down when things felt scary. But now, that “protection” is stopping you from going to social events, job interviews, or important conversations. You’re not in danger – your nervous system just thinks you are.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Protections create a self-fulfilling prophecy. How annoying.
Think about it. You have a core belief that says, “I’m not good enough.” So your protection is to procrastinate and half-ass things. And then what happens? You don’t perform well. And what does that prove? “See! I’m not good enough!”
The protection that was supposed to save you from feeling inadequate actually creates the exact outcome you were afraid of.
It’s like you’re looking for proof that you’ll ultimately fail. And your protections make sure you find it.
Moving Forward
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wow, this is me,” you’re not alone. We all have protections. Every single one of us learned ways to keep ourselves safe when we were young.
The question to ask yourself is “are these protections still serving me? Or are they keeping me stuck?”
If you’re ready to start working through your protections, to understand where they came from and how to move past them, that’s exactly the kind of work we do in therapy. It’s about building up your self-esteem and confidence so you can take those risks without your protections shutting you down.
Remember, you’re not broken. You’re just protected. And you’re ready to grow.
Ready to work through your protections and build genuine confidence? Get started with therapy today and discover what’s possible when you stop letting old patterns hold you back.