The Heartbreak of the Breakup
Sometimes breakups make sense and it is easy to move on. But often a breakup is so hard and feels devastating, especially when it is unexpected or after you tried so hard to fix things. You wonder over and over again about what you could have done differently. You feel huge amounts of shame and wonder why you are not good enough.
You may try various coping and self-care strategies, from seeing friends more to focusing on something you’ve been meaning to do, like jogging every morning before work. Sure, you try to put on a happy face and say you are refocusing on yourself…but it still sucks. You still feel alone and lost when you lay down for the night.
If you keep trying to move on and just cannot, it may be time to talk to a therapist. After all, the loss of your partner may be deeper in your subconscious than you may realize.
Recover From the Breakup
Recovering from a breakup requires going beyond just trying to figure out what went wrong. The key to getting over someone you loved and lost is to work on how you see yourself. It is not enough to just “go through the list” of things you found on the internet or listen to the advice of your friends. A lot of post breakup advice is more of a temporary bandage. You can feel better for a few hours but the deeper wounds are still there. Plus, a part of you wonders, “am I just going to have the same problem next time? Maybe I am just not cut out for relationships.”
It can get better (I know, everyone says that and it is hard to believe but it can)
You are not alone! I have been there and I get it. I take a non-judgmental, supportive approach to therapy where you can freely express your feelings. But we will also confront those beliefs that don’t work for you so you can stop wondering whether or not you can make it work and stop punishing yourself with negative thoughts or feelings of failure. This process involves healing, rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence, and fully investing in creating a new lifestyle that you love.
It takes time, effort, and patience. While nothing can be guaranteed, if you give it your full effort it is possible to not only move on, but you can also make fundamental changes within yourself so that you may find a deeper happiness whether you are single or connecting with a new person.
Work on 'You' for a Better Us?
FAQ for Breakup Recovery Therapy
How long does it take to get over someone?
There are so many factors that affect how long it takes to move on, like the length of the relationship, the amount of investment, and other associated losses including pets, friends, or lifestyle. For that reason it is hard to predict and often has more to do with how quickly you start re-investing in yourself. The longer you feel stuck in wondering what went wrong or can I get them back, the longer it will take.
On that note…
Can therapy help me get my ex back with me?
I honestly don’t know. Believe me, I wish I could have the power to make that happen for you. But consider this, without focusing on your own personal growth and investing in creating an amazing life for yourself, you will find yourself with the exact same problems if you were to just get back together.
The goal of therapy is to work on YOU. Rediscover hobbies, take better care of yourself, focus on your goals, overcome your personal hang ups, and make new friends (or strengthen current friendships). By making yourself a priority you can be in a much better place to have a fulfilling and satisfying relationship no matter if it is with your ex or someone new.
I should be able to do this on my own, would a therapist really make a difference?
It’s true, you have probably recovered from a breakup on your own (or with support from friends and family) and discovered that you were able to move on and accept that your ex really was not ‘the one.’ Most likely you can do so again, but therapy may help speed up your healing process and help you make the right changes so you can have better relationships.
Therapy makes sense if you notice any of the following:
- You can’t stop thinking about you Ex
- You obsess over communicating with them or texting them, even though you know it is not the right call
- You keep looking at their social media for answers or to see if they have “moved on”
- You get stuck with the feeling that you don’t have “closure"
- You keep thinking about getting back together and making it work or continue to be “off and on” with them
- You can’t imagine ever falling in love again
- You know that your life is better without them but still struggle because you still love them
I am able to move on and start dating, but I find myself repeating the same pattern in a new relationship. What am I doing wrong?
Breakups can teach us so much. Sometimes a breakup is the catalyst for learning more about ourselves and the partners we are choosing or attracting. If you continue to have the same problems in different relationships, it’s time to do something different. Learning more about who you are, what you need, your true priorities, and why you’re choosing the partners you choose can help change the pattern that leads to heartbreak. As a professional, I can help you explore these new insights and make changes so you can start attracting the right partners.